The word ‘ex’ means former lover. It is somebody who I used to love or even someone I thought I loved. I am such a broken person because of my exes. Well, I am only human, I can’t be happy with anything. I always wanted to say a piece of my mind about all my lousy ex-lovers who know better that I am not a girl to mess with. I am like the devil’s daughter with this angelic face of mine. I am unpredictable as the weather. Some of you must be thinking I am a bitter girl who is dwelling on the past.
I thought one of them would be my superman or a prince or a knight in shining armour to save me from myself. My first boyfriend was some loser that I never even loved. I was stringing him along just to bury the shame of being boyfriend-less. All my friends had boyfriends and I hated being different. Urgh! When I look back, that was so pathetically naive of me. I was doing something just to keep somebody else happy. What about me?
I dumped him. Then these other four exes were all just opportunists who were after what’s between my legs and my beauty. Some were freaking womanisers. I saw through them all, I read them like a magazine. Then there’s my current ex-lover; that jerk really knew his cards. He had me fooled. I knew his past but still I let my heart lead me astray.
I knew that he was a bad boy who had a reputation of changing girls like his haircuts. But I hate to admit that I loved him. He had rejected me before. He was my crush. I guess back then the feeling was not mutual. Then things changed. He said he loved me. I could not believe what I was hearing. Could I be hallucinating?
Well it was real. I gave him my heart.
I even defended him a lot, especially to my big sis as she knew what that jerk was capable of. The love I had for him was so consuming that I turned into his puppet. When he said “Jump”, I asked, “How high?”
Damn! Somehow I knew that was so not me.
He made me feel like I needed to fix myself. Is that what’s called love? I was prepared to let him deflower me. I found out that he had been in a relationship with my friend that I’d congratulated for being three months pregnant.
I asked if the baby was his. They both refused to tell me nothing but the truth. So I put one and two together since nobody was willing to tell me the truth. It meant he was the father.
They both admitted it. I guess it was better to be hurt by the truth than to be made a happy woman with lies.
I did not hesitate, I blocked the bitch on WhatsApp. I wanted to do away with her. As for that jerk, I thought I could be strong and not dump him because the heart wants what it wants.
I failed to be strong because all I thought of was them being together. It drove me insane that I could not sleep at night. I started being a young alcoholic. I could get drunk and cry with that unbearable pain I was feeling. I was devastated. I wanted to jump off the window. When I took a bath I wanted to drown myself to death.
I was suicidal. I realised that I couldn’t go on like that. So I dumped the guy with a text on Facebook which was so cowardly of me. I should have told him face to face.
I don’t regret doing so. I did what was best for me. I deserve much better. I am glad for all that happened to me even though it was not easy to get over the dude. It helped me grow.
I became a female version of him. I hurt people just because I was hurting. I wanted them to feel what I felt. Love to me was just a dead word. What’s so super sad is that I am only a young girl. I should be optimistic.
I wanted nothing to do with him. I kind of cursed him and wished karma would engulf him. I told myself I was never gonna be a victim ever again. I would shed no tears for anybody. I would not beg anybody. I don’t care anymore. I only love myself. So if you are Tshepang Zama Mohlakoana’s ex, consider yourself a stranger that I despise.
I am not your friend. I don’t go around becoming friends with my exes, a reminder of a painful past. As my ex you are excluded in my life. So guys, go ahead and call me heartless but that what I felt about my exes.
I don’t forgive or forget. So if they know what’s best for them they must stay away from me or hell will break loose. Nothing is as dangerous as a broken person, so this a warning to all my exes who wish to worm themselves back to my life. This girl is doing fine on her own. I am even plump because I am stress free from drama.
Tell us: Do you have that ex-lover that you can’t get over?