When I was young, I used to dream and believe in a whole lot of things. I used to close my eyes and just imagine myself getting married to this handsome guy. I would also imagine how our kids would look like and how our home would be filled with laughter and joy.
I used to believe in happy endings. Little did I know that happy endings only exist in fairy-tales. Like Walter Mitty, I also had my own imaginary life, imagining that my life was going to turn out perfect, but it never did. You see, the worst part about being a dreamer or living in fantasy is that you end up losing touch with reality. And when things do not work out as you imagined, you end up with a broken or disappointed heart.
But as I grew up I started spending less time in my world of fantasy. I started to realise that there is no such thing as a happy ending and there is no such thing as a perfect spouse or family. My dream of getting married one day and having my own family started to fade away bit by bit. Reality hit me so hard, causing me to wake up from my fantasy.
The divorce between my mom and dad was enough for me to see how I have been fooled by all those ‘happily ever after’ movies. The betrayal and cheating I witnessed from all those who were married, forced me to pack all my stuff and leave my imaginary family for good. I assured myself that I will never allow myself to go through all that; the hurt, pain and misery which most married people do.
As I became more and more matured, a part of me wished to go back to my fantasy world, just to go and have a peek. The desire I once had of having a family came back, only this time it was stronger. I wanted to get married and have my own kids so badly that I even looked up names for kids and wedding dresses.
I became addicted to my fantasy family to an extent that I would visit them every chance I got. In my world of fantasy, I had this beautiful family, a perfect husband who loved me so much and three beautiful kids, two boys and a girl. I had this huge house somewhere in Sandton and a prayerful family. I had it all. This perfect fantasy did not last for long though once again I woke up of my fantasy and faced reality again.
I am now twenty-one years old and I am starting to believe that indeed there is no such thing as a happy ending. All married couples end up in divorce or end up spending the rest of their lives in misery. So I asked myself why I would want to go through that; too much agony and putting my kids through heartache and trauma.
I have seen it happen to my mom and I do not want to go through that. I know how it feels living in a home where there is constant shouting and fighting and having your parents separate. I do not want to have kids and have them experience all that. I used to believe in soul mates but not anymore; such things only exist in love novels but not in real life.
So I ask myself: Why should I get married if I will end up being miserable? Or have a husband who will later tell me that loving me was all a mistake after we have been together for ten years. I am not sure anymore if I want to get married; settle down and have my own family. I do not believe in anything anymore.
I no longer believe in true love, soul mates or happy endings, those are all the things which exist in fairy-tales and fantasy worlds. I am not so sure anymore about a lot of things. My dad told me that marriage is a calling so I guess I am just one of those people who are not called to be married and be happy. I’m not meant to find myself celebrating my tenth anniversary or even sticking to ‘until death do us apart’ with no cheating or divorce but with loyalty, honesty and genuine love.
Tell us: Do you believe in happily-ever after?