Being young can be difficult. Sometimes you feel like you’re on top of the world; other times you feel like you are nobody. As you think you’re not noticed when you get into a room full of people. It sometime becomes too hard for me to face a day even though most of the time I feel the best in the evening.
I remember the first time I experienced the pain of being lonely. Cooling things off was suggested by the gorgeous, tall, chocolate in complexion, with an exceptionally powerful personality boy.
That guy had made me feel intensely original. Made me think I was a charming, amusing and interesting person. I felt like I was capable of doing great things and felt like I was quite good in nurturing the seed of love.
He taught me things teachers never teach. The way he was day-dreaming about us, one would have thought that he wanted me and our love to survive. He went above and beyond the call of duty; he gave us his all.
I became shocked, torn, when he changed. Because I thought our relationship was stronger than storm. He said, “I cannot do it anymore. You cause me too much stress.”
My face became wet. I went to my memory book and tried to read all the happiest memories I recorded, but I couldn’t. My eyes had welled up with tears. I was so miserable and depressed. I couldn’t believe the relationship was over.
I threw myself onto a bed, held tight my fluffy pillow that looks like clouds, wishing it was him who was close to me, but he was gone. I told myself if we could spend lot of time together and communicate regularly maybe, the relationship might work, but how?
I was so stressed. It was my first time I had had a steady boyfriend or had dated a guy for more than six months. Maybe that’s why I got hurt in the long run. Is his love fleeting like a rainbow? Or do I have lack of self-esteem? Or could he have broken up with me because I do nothing with my life? Did our relationship lose value?
I don’t know why he left but he left with a part of my life; my personality. He left me bitter, distressed, crying, and just trying to understand the grey line. But all I had found was the phrase, “I AM SORRY!” and that didn’t ease the pain. Instead it made me beat my head against the wall trying to find answers.