Another day in the rain of insanity. My integrity is lost long before school days were over.

Four parasites surround my house, the gate is always locked.

“Sandy!” she shouts angrily.

“Mom!” I respond wondering why such fury? It’s only morning. The dishes are done, the yard is clean.

She stares at me as she stutters, “w-ha-t are you going to eat?”

“I’m not hungry,”

“To hell w-i-t-h that start, cooking and stop sleeping,”

I turn to walk to my shack room, large enough to be two rooms.

I didn’t want to do anything to her satisfaction, maybe I’m selfish. Her husband, not quite sure what to call him, every thought starts when he held me at my throat and got close to taking my life.

I never hold no grudge, but when he tried to do it again I pulled a knife out of the stands, big enough to get a bull down on its knees, but it was all a plan. For I knew all man fear the unexpected.

I never apologised as my mother asked me to, for I knew it was wrong but maybe I wanted nothing to do with him.

Why be a cheater and have children outside your household when you have a wife? I would have never understood even if it was my own dad, sometimes I’ll try to understand the anger of my mother towards me, but I never did.

The physical abuse had passed, and then it was verbal abuse. The one I thought I would trust with my life killed my courage but if she was there when he beat and embarrassed me in front of the community.

If she was there when he called me stupid, trash, busted.
If she was there when he choked me until I couldn’t breathe.
If she was there when he gave me scars.
Then I have no say.
She shouts, she screams.
Something in me keeps on repeating

“Just keep quiet, she lost your heart so you better be quiet,”

***

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