“You are a disgrace in this family!” Those words replayed in my mind for a very long time. They pushed me into the dark hole that I’m in and pierced my heart. They took my feelings and left me emotionless.

I was the black sheep in my family, a disgrace and an insult. My elders were disgusted by my sexuality and chased me away to protect their children from ‘turning out’ like me, the biggest disgrace of the family.

I was chased away from my own home when I was only seventeen years old. I still remember the day like it was yesterday. My father found out about the secret I had been keeping since I was thirteen years old – I am gay! You should have seen the hatred burning through his eyes, and how he looked at me like I was a piece of garbage.

I thought my mother would defend me like she always did with other things but on that day she showed me a ruthless side of her, a side I will never forget until I die.

I moved in with my girlfriend who was four years older than I. We lived together until I was 23 years old. My relationship with Liam was so toxic and abusive. As much as I was younger, I used to abuse her. I would beat her until she passed out. One day I beat her up until she slipped into a coma. She lied and covered for me and my abusive ways towards her, she did that out of love, she said.

One day, I was so stressed, I decided to go and drink at Venas club. I bumped into this guy and when I was about to apologise, I saw my father’s resemblance in him. I knew that he was my brother, Kian. He looked at me straight up in the eyes for a few minutes without saying a word and then gave me one of the warmest hugs ever. I cried for the first time after the day I was chased away from home. I felt my knees getting weak, and my breath leaving my lungs, and I looked at him.

“I’m glad I got a chance to meet you, I will now rest in peace knowing that I got the chance to see my little brother, I love you Kian. I hope you won’t make the same mistakes your parents made to your kids and please tell mom and dad I’m sorry for not being the daughter they wanted. Tell them I’m so sorry for being interested in girls, and I forgive them for all they did to me. Tell them to not attend my funeral nor visit my grave that way I will rest in peace.” After that it was lights out to me.


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