“Perplex yourself with questions, that’s the only way you’ll get all the answers you’re in need of.”
That’s what my inner soul was telling me, whereas my mind was far from the body. I was no longer in charge of who I was. Every now and then, I would stumble in my own thoughts, trying to figure out who and what I’ve become.
The anger I held onto within the veins of my heart was eating me inside. I felt a dark cloud hovering over me, with its paws it covered my life. I could no longer breathe. I was hungry for an armour that would save me, but I was alienated. All my acquaintances alienated me. Death invited me with its alluring smile, amazingly, the invitation was accepted by me. The thought of killing myself invaded my mind and indeed, I was on the verge of tying that knot.
All the good times I had in my life, turned to be frivolous. I was frail in my own eyes. Just when I was about to let go of it all, a picture of a person I thought was a mother to me, crept in my mind. I thought about whether or not she should even be on my mind, this crowded mind. Then a voice out of nowhere whispered to me to let it in, it was a sweet whisper but the dark side of me ignored it. It then forced itself into my mind and I gasped out a few words to myself. The image of her a gash in my heart.
Why shouldn’t I hurt her? She wasn’t there to care for me, she wasn’t there to shower me with the love I hungered for, yet she claimed herself as my mother. Now I’m left all alone in the dark, with misery that she caused. The hate I held within my heart accelerated the anger even more. The thought of ending it all knocked again and this time it was not a friendly knock, but it was by force accompanied by anger, so I allowed it to invade my mind.
I closed my eyes and giggled knowingly that there was nothing left for me in this world. I was a part of it and in just a blink of an eye I was running out of breath, in less than a minute it was all over. I had crossed over to the land I thought would bring joy to this poor soul of mine but if only I knew that I would be tormented for ending my life before the right time.
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