Like most people, 2020 was the worst year in my life. I feel quite ashamed about complaining about my 2020 when people lost their jobs and people lost family members.
I matriculated in 2019. I was excited. This was the beginning of my life. I had finally figured out what I wanted to be, the best filmmaker to ever come out of Africa! I applied at one of the biggest universities in South Africa. I was so focused on that university that I didn’t bother applying elsewhere.
January came and I passed. It was the ultimate bliss. Then the email came, “we regret to inform you that your acceptance has been withdrawn.” I was sent into a whirlwind because I now had to scramble looking for a university, late applications were closed. It was just one big mess!
I spent the next two months registered for something I had no interest in, simply because all my friends were heading to first year, I needed to be part of that. I needed to show people that I wasn’t failure. Ukubida iqwirha – confusing the enemy. I fell in a deep dark hole. I lost myself. I struggled with assignments and exams because I didn’t have a laptop, eventually I deregistered.
When lockdown came, my mom and sisters stayed home with me. I think that made it worse because I was not only faced with my own failed dream but theirs as well, as the eldest I was the hope to change everything for them and I couldn’t. The depression which I had managed to control over the past years overwhelmed me, I felt suicidal.
I decided to open up to my friends and they restored my hope. I started applying to more universities, colleges and I am proud to say I have been accepted into more than one. Yes, there is the struggle of finance, but I am at a better place emotionally and psychologically than I was this time last year.
I don’t blame anyone for the last year, I guess I could pass it off as a really bad chain of events, but I do take valuable life lessons from it:
1. Never do things for people to see, this whole confusing the enemy business is more damaging to you than it is to them.
2. Life is unpredictable. There is not a time limit by when you need to achieve something. Some achieve their goals at 18, others at 38. Live your life, your way.
3. Never give up! The first week of January, I had written my goals on a piece of paper, I committed myself to reaching each and every one of them.
Never give up on your dreams! Good luck to the future matriculants!
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