There are many things that can go wrong in a romantic relationship, many reasons why things don’t work out. The relationship becomes boring, you become unhappy, there is no more spark, one person becomes controlling, another becomes abusive – the list goes on. The good news is that there are many things that we can do to rekindle the flame, but in my honest opinion, before we get there, we need to make sure that we have the foundation right in order to get the relationship to stand. So here are the three things that have worked for me that you can use – but do bear in mind that every relationship is different.

TEAMWORK
I once heard a quote that said: Team work makes the dream work. First of all, a relationship is between two people, so it is totally unacceptable for one person to put in all the effort to make the relationship work. It is also important that couples understand that there is no 50/50 in a relationship: we should always give 100% – it’s all or nothing.

Secondly, we don’t discriminate in relationships anymore, there are no gender roles. You grind as much as your partner, you give as much as your partner, whether it be shopping, chores, affection, sex or whatever, you need to give your best. It is important that both of you understand the vision and work towards it, no-one wants to feel like they are dragging a dead weight. A relationship needs one vision, you can’t be working towards different goals in the same relationship – the goals and aspirations should be same. It’s like getting a lift with someone who is going in the opposite direction as you but expecting to reach your destination.

TRUST
Trust is pivotal in any relationship. It is really sad that it can be broken so easily, and it takes a long time to heal. Things like lying, secrets, broken promises, cheating, etc. can easily break what took you twenty years or more to build. When you start to question whether you can trust someone, then you already have the answer, because if you fully trusted your partner you wouldn’t have any questions. When the trust is broken, the person who got hurt might never be able to fully trust anyone else again. There is a word used to describe people like that: pistanthrophobia – the fear of trusting people due to past relationships that has gone bad. People get paranoid and suspicious. You would always want to check your partners phone or wonder where your partner is, what he/she is doing, who they are with. They can’t greet someone without having to explain to you who the person is. They are not allowed to have passwords on their phones, even if it’s for security purposes. Being in a relationship like that is too much effort for both of you, because you will be paying for someone else’s mistakes. It starts to feel more like jail and I would advise anyone to rather break out. A relationship should never feel like a trap; it should be a pleasure spot.

When it comes to a relationship where your partner was unfaithful, if you want the relationship to work you will have to forgive and forget. The relationship will be stagnant until you are able to move on from that place. A relationship with no trust is like a phone without data, it has a lot of limitations. You miss out on all the cool things.

LOVE
I have learned that love between the sexes are different. And like most other things, when it comes to women things are a bit more complicated. When it comes to men, love can be described in this one word: RESPECT! If you can figure out how much that word means to a guy, you just need to make him feel important and respected then he will be putty in your hands. If you want to spend his money, respect him and make it sound like it’s his idea then you will hear the three words that every woman loves to hear: Use my card. All that men need from their partners is to know that their partner believes in them, will push him when he is down and never disrespect him or his in front of people – it is that simple for most guys. We don’t mind being reprimanded when we are alone, but never in front of people.

Now when it comes to women it was really difficult to find out what love is to them because Cher said that it is in his kiss and Tamia said she doesn’t want flowers, she wants the truth – I personally don’t know how much truth there is in that, but when I asked some other women, their answers lead me to this one word: TOUCH. According to Dolly Parton you should touch your woman. Celine Dion made clear when she said: “You can say you love me, that I’m your perfect crush. How it hurts to need someone that much. You can swear you mean it, but that ain’t good enough. Cause when a man loves a woman, it is all in his touch.” So guys if you want prove to a woman that you love her, words don’t mean as much as your actions. According to Jojo: “Do you know how to touch a girl, if you want me so much first I have to know: Are you thoughtful and kind? Do you care what’s on my mind? Or am I just for show?” So if you want to know how to touch a girl, she wants you to know what her “spot” is on her body, because a woman loves to be touched. So firstly you need to figure out where her pleasure spot is on her body.

Remember though: the touch is not only physical: you also need to remember certain things like where you first met, first kiss, what her favourite flowers are and knowing her favourite colour. They want to have long conversations and want you to be the first one to notice when they did something different. Listen to them when they say they like something because most of the time they give you keys to getting out of the dog box when they point out things that they like or need. So when you truly love a woman, figure out how to touch her in ways to show that she matters to you.

Written by Alonzo Naude

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