Elizabeth Fletcher

Okay, so obviously it wasn’t really only one day. I was actually three-weeks-and-a-day pregnant when I found out. The decision was an easy one for me; it simply wasn’t the right time. So the day after I found out, I took steps to have a medical termination and this is how it all happened.

Tuesday: 14h15

Stood in Clicks looking at the array of pregnancy tests: went for the one in the pink Toblerone-shaped box. I had to put my mind at ease after being less than responsible with the pill on a month of travel, and then having great break-up sex with my recent ex-boyfriend on my return.

15h30

Got home and dumped shopping bags on the kitchen counter. Ripped open the packet with diagrams to the effect that ‘one line = exhale, two lines = knocked up’ and peed on the stick. Home phone started ringing: “Bugger!” I galloped to the lounge with my shorts and panties around my knees. “Hello?” A fax tone responded: beep, beep, beep. I glanced at the stick: one line. Then, as the liquid slowly travelled further up the little window, as inevitable as a wave claiming the beach, a second line appeared. I realised I was still holding the phone, begging the fax machine on the other end to take the second line away. “No. Please, please no.” The two bold lines remained. I wasn’t just me anymore.

15h32

Phoned ex-boyfriend, hyperventilating. Bellowed, “I’m fucking pregnant!” with absolutely no rom-com charm.

Sat on the floor in t-shirt and panties, crying and staring at those two lines in absolute disbelief, while ex-boyfriend came rushing over from work. He was totally lovely— everything anyone in my position could have asked for. He was tender, respectful and supportive of every decision I made.

17h00

Went back and bought another two tests. All positive. Like cherries on a slot machine, “Bing! Bing! Bing! You’re so freaking pregnant!” Sat looking at the three tests for ages. I kept returning to them, mesmerised. Ex-boyfriend was worried it would make me sad.

19h30

Phoned my best friend who laid it down in ecological terms: “In nature, when an animal is carrying a baby and the time is not right, the animal naturally aborts. This is your beautiful body and it’s your right to choose what happens to you. Right now, what’s inside you is a group of cells. You’ve chosen to do what’s best for you. You are so brave, we are all here for you.”

23h00

Couldn’t sleep. It was four days to Christmas and I had no idea how long any procedure would take. Googled local clinics and decided to see my GP first thing. Lay next to ex-boyfriend and talked. He kept making me laugh by pretending to fall asleep mid-sentence.

Wednesday: 07h00

Woke up and stared at the ceiling for ages before ex-boyfriend woke up. Felt the numbness of disbelief trickle into a warm, magical feeling of wonder. I felt special. I still didn’t consider having the baby but the mere fact that I could fall pregnant felt wonderful.

Got up and phoned the GP. Made an appointment first thing.

08h30

Normal GP was on leave for Christmas and so had to see the other doctor in the building. As I announced that I thought I was pregnant, she responded with, “Oh wonderful! That’s such exciting news!” I clarified the situation and she gave me a list of recommended gynaecologists who ‘deal with this sort of thing’. After trying most of them only to hear that they were on leave, I found a Women’s Wellness GP who would see me that afternoon. First, though, I needed an ultrasound to make sure it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy.

11h00

Sat in a gown in a tiny room drinking water for an hour before my bladder was full. The ultrasound was totally like the movies: cold gel, what looked like a roll-on deodorant, a black and white screen.

13h00

Met with the new gynaecologist. She was amazing. She invited ex-boyfriend in but I decided I wanted to do it by myself. She explained everything clearly without being judgemental or condescending. I had found out so early that I could use the medical method which involved taking a series of medications to terminate the pregnancy and induce a period over two or three days. She took time to understand my emotional state, my support structures and my decision making.

15h30

Took the first medication that would detach the foetus from the lining of my womb. Procedure went off without a hitch. The doctor was in touch on the phone every day. I hardly suffered any symptoms—in fact, the family Christmas (which I went to the next day) was more painful. Ex-boyfriend sat next to me for three days while my body let go.

Afterwards

It’s taken a while to process it all since then—I couldn’t rush figuring it all out for myself. I’m grateful that the second doctor was so great. I only wish other girls in this situation could be treated so well.

I told my family in my own time and in my own way. Maybe that’ll be another story.

Elizabeth Fletcher is a reader, writer, listener, talker.