Jenna Fury

The first time I tried to have sex was a failure. It felt like we were trying to put a square object into a round hole—it wasn’t fitting and it wasn’t fun.

Looking back, I realise that I had over-thought the whole process. Most of us are taught from puberty that we must think long and very carefully about losing our virginity. So, true to form, instead of allowing nature to have some say, I planned the experience as if organising a holiday trip.

I had spoken to my boyfriend about having sex with him: he was aware that I was still a virgin and I knew he had been quite promiscuous. First things first, I sent him off to Lifeline to make use of their free AIDS test. I then waited the obligatory three months, just in case, before I began to plan ‘the event’.

In the interim, I visited an abortion clinic to get birth control. I didn’t just go down to my local pharmacy and speak to the nurse—I had to go to the ‘experts’ in the industry and get the best of the best (which also turned into the most expensive).

We, or rather I, set a date when we would ‘do’ it on an afternoon when I had no extramural activities at school (I was 17 at the time). It started out okay as we touched and kissed, as we had done many times before, but when it came to the moment of penetration, it wouldn’t go in. We tried a bit of pushing and prodding but it got sorer, more uncomfortable and embarrassing for both of us. Neither of us really knew what to do or what was wrong; they don’t teach you that sort of thing in sex education.

Looking back, I can see I simply wasn’t turned on so there was no vaginal lubrication. I was so nervous and tense about the whole thing that I think I literally clamped up. We decided to stop trying and he took me home.

We did end up trying again. This time I was ‘prepared’ but it was still not romantic or passionate. We rented an adult movie to put us in the mood, and I bought a large tub of Vaseline (I didn’t know about KY Jelly yet). This time sex worked—it wasn’t great, it wasn’t even good, but the Vaseline seemed to do the trick. Managing to get it right seemed like such a victory to me that it never crossed my mind I had just had an experience that could never be repeated again, an experience I would never forget.

What I know now is that I was right in discussing STDs and contraception with my boyfriend, but planning the exact time of the event was not a good idea—it ruined the spontaneity and lost the magic. Be prepared, have contraception available, ensure you trust the person and have made the decision to sleep with him on your own (without coercion), but other than that, don’t think anymore—let it happen when it happens and it will probably be a more memorable and pleasurable experience than mine.

Jenna Fury is an accountant who is now married to a man who makes her writhe in passion. Lesson learnt!