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Strong Lady Survives

AUTHOR: Dineo Khoza

PUBLISHER: FunDza Literacy Trust

LANGUAGE: English

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Based on a true story.

In the world there is a lot of pain that people go through and survival is the key to heal all the wounds.

I am a girl of many talents. I grew up without a father and was raised by my granny and my mother who was still in school when she was pregnant with me. I’m the only child and yes it wasn’t easy growing up but I did grow up.

When I was in still in primary school, my mother went all out so that I was raised without pain. My granny was a drinker but she raised a fine, young woman who is now a mother of one.

I grew up not caring who my father was and what he did for a living, funny but I had a step dad who loved me deeply. He was a sweet man a girl couldn’t ask for a better man to be a dad. I never lacked anything but hope.

In life we all have hope. Things got tough so my mom left him and I was hurt badly not knowing what happened.

I then started hating every male species, I called them with names. I thought that all they wanted was to hurt women and get away with it.

I thought, hey, if ha o gone go ba lwantsha, be them (if you can’t fight them, be them.). I became so into guy things, clothes and everything (some people say it’s called being a tomboy). Well it made things easier for me because I didn’t have to feel bad when I hurt people.

I was a very troubled child, full of hate and anger at a young age. All I cared for was protecting myself and my family. I used to be a bully, and a fighter (beat up anyone, at any age). That always got me in trouble. My mom saw that I wasn’t behaving like a normal child. Oh well, we never spoke about anything.

Thinking about it, my cousin said that having someone to talk to is great, but I had something different. I took one of my scrap books and made it a diary, and guess it helped sometimes.

But there were days in which I could just die because I hated myself. I hated being alive but my diary reminded me that in life we have to fight in order to survive. Survival was a big word for me – I couldn’t understand it.

I kept my diary in a safe place. I had two diaries and they had my secrets and my life in them; I took them as my friends. Talking about friends, I had a best friend and we loved each other like sisters and she had to leave because of father (a man again) and her mother were not an item anymore. Sadly it affected me as always, but I kept my head up and had to be strong.

I was then in Grade 6 and my aunt came to live me and my granny, she had a son who was still young but talkative. I remember hearing her say that I am a not needed, it really hurt me in a way. I stood up to her and my granny decided that the only way for me to be happy is to go and live with my mom and my stepdad. That I did, when I was in Grade 9.

I went to stay with mom. It wasn’t a joyful place to be because of the way my mom was living; always being beaten up by a drunk man, always crying because of a drunk man… Pain was all that my mom knew at that time, happiness was what she didn’t have.

I was always praying and wishing that my mom could find happiness – but nothing. I then started blaming God for not helping His children. I realized that in life people are sometimes blind when it comes to love. I hated men even more. I wished and wished I could just have a way to make them disappear on earth but it seemed like my wish was not granted.

I then made another diary, in which I wrote everything but then it was not in a safe place because my stepdad would read what I wrote and that made me even angrier.

I hated that man with all my heart but I couldn’t do anything. It was in December and I was in Grade 10. I was visiting at my granny’s place but there was no one, so I was home alone. A bad day and an even worse night. I was all alone and it was dark, I was forced on the floor by a group of guys who took away my life, they gang raped me but I kept my cool.

What happened made me hate men even more. I felt dirty and so angry like I could just die. But I remained calm and no one in my family noticed anything. I was all alone but my cousin was there but she only found out later because then, I was losing my mind.

When I told my cousin, she was crying and I was also in tears. She then visited my mom and her uncle and me. I treated her like a sister, and then something happened.

I was sick on that day. She came back from her classes and called my mom but instead came my stepdad. He came and did nothing that’s for sure, he then started drinking. On that day the electricity left late that night, my cousin then said I should sleep. I went outside with my cousin before I slept, she told me that the stepdad wanted to talk to her and she was scared, and she said that I should pretend like I’m asleep because that’s what the uncle wanted.

Well no problem; that I did. She then went and spoke to him (that was the plan) but she came in our room crying. I asked her what had happened and she said, “He… he was touching my body.”

I then wanted to just wake up and kill the man but she stopped me. She asked me not to tell. We then wrote what happened in our diaries, we hardly slept on that day, we cried all night. We kept it a secret from everyone. And then she left. I was left all alone again, and in pain.

I was doing Grade 12 and I was cleaning late. I went outside to fetch water but to only find weird guys in the house, they gang raped me.

I was so weak when they left and I felt like I could die. I planned my death week by week because I had no one to talk to. I thought no one would believe me because I acted all cool and strong but anger was then taking over.

I then finished my Matric and passed well but pain was still with me. I visited my cousin who was always there for me. We had good nights and worse nights. We thought that He Himself was punishing us. It was like hell was following every move we took. But I told her that everything happens for a reason and God will get us through every problem we face and we were fine again.

I came back home, hoping to find school but had no luck. And a friend said that I shouldn’t give up hope. I then came to live with my granny. A year passed and nothing was going right. I then had an opportunity to go to camp with friends. When I came back I had a crew.

Oh how I enjoyed being in a crew; it felt like I was with family. Things went well until I messed up, but no regrets. In life we make decisions and they stay with us forever. I then fell in love with a guy who had a crush on me since we were in Grade 8.

I then found a job. But I was mugged too many times so I then decided that I needed a ritual. But then that didn’t do me any good because I am still in pain and I hurt. I was so angry that I didn’t wanna go back to work. But I am strong. I overcome everything thrown at me.

I’m still dating the same person and I’m happy cause he makes me forget and makes me happy. I never thought that I would be happy with all of this going on. I have a motivator, a friend who helps and guide me through everything.

This is who I am and what I went through but it doesn’t make it right for me to be angry at the world. I am a survivor and nothing can change that.

My past is my past but my future will make me who I want to be. My advice is that you live your life like it’s the last thing to do, but never forget that your future is the key to your survival.

73 Responses

  1. This Story Is heart touching…
    What you go through……

    This is who you’re and what you went
    through but it doesn’t make it
    right for you to be angry at the
    world. you’re a survivor and nothing
    can change that.

    The past is The past but the future
    will make you who you want to be.

    And I like your
    advice is that you live your life like
    it’s the last thing to do, but never
    forget that your future is the key to
    your survival….

    This Story
    5Rates

    Emma Thando
    19 Nov 2016 at 07:40
  2. yes i really sorry for the thlngs ,god help u cici .yaa neh .is really touching i do no to say.(sob) thax

    modise
    11 Nov 2016 at 15:48
  3. wow what an amazing,inspiring,Awsomr story.Mmmm stay bless my cc And alws know tht God is with as you have said it your self.And your life would be moving upward And forward only.Thks for sharing your story Ihave learnt a lot from it just keep on going.I ♡ it story

    mbali
    14 Jul 2016 at 09:43
  4. My sister, now that you’re in a joyful relationship with your partner, had it ever crossed your mind in sharing your childhood life (difficulties your came across), because I believe at some point you going to have issues as partners and somehow as your fights with him will make you have a flashback of your past, then lead to you attacking. I mean, you know how a furious person can be and that can lend you to living a very regretful life.

    Now because you employed and can socialise with people, I advice you to consult a shrink/social worker/psychologist so that if ever that handsome hottie decides to marry you, you can get in new marriage with no secrets and no diary friends but instead your partner will be your diary by then hey

    But apart from all that girl, you’re a strong woman. Who run the world?

    Koketso
    15 Jun 2016 at 00:47
  5. Mmh what a terrible sorry story endeed…this girl is very brave.she raped twice but she choose to zip her mouth.. If some thing illegal happened to you don’t west time just report it..but anyway I’m glad for your good relationship with your partner.. Thanks for an aspiring story.

    Thembeka Zanoxolo Zemfundo
    26 May 2016 at 17:17
  6. Wat a painful story, you are a strong women. I lyk the fact that u stood up for yourself because u want a better future n u want to achieve your goals. wat doesn’t kil u make you stronger

    Tumelo
    23 May 2016 at 15:55
  7. I knew that pain I was in that situation @ the age of eight yes and true you loose a trust grow anger.But I get forgiveness when I accept Jesus as my savior I know that life continue

    Zanyiwe Kalani
    13 Apr 2016 at 22:00
  8. Wow even thou you did not tell ur parents about the rape …the thing is u managed to move on …i thought rape was over ..but u are a real fighter ..and god have answered your cries..in fact u are brave enough to face any battle now

    Sbusisoketani
    11 Apr 2016 at 08:16
  9. You get raped twice and you don’t say a thing????

    You’ve got to be kidding me😾😖😖😖

    Tumi
    22 Feb 2016 at 22:15
    • You know nothing you should shut your mouth up if u don’t have nothing positive to say it’s people like you that makes this a cruel world

      lilly
      1 Jun 2016 at 14:22
  10. All men are not the same…..and i believe that when you are facing alot of challenges,it makes your brain to be strong and more reactive when there is problem coz u know how to copy them. And i also believe that sometimes we dont have to forget about our past coz if we remember where we are coming from and all the circumstances we have gone through will makes us to move foward. The world is round. This means that in life there is sad moments and joyful moments. But the most theme that i have taken in this story is about Keeping gOd further all the time.

    Justice Lindamo
    27 Jan 2016 at 19:26

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